Self-belief

Warning: Shaking the very foundation of one’s identity can have unexpected, and often disastrous consequences…

If only life comes with such warning labels. A seemingly meaningless and harmless thread of thought, when pursued, sets a chain of events which unravels more than bargained for. This isn’t a blog about the ‘butterfly effect’ or any other theory that might sound similar to what I’m writing, it’s my life… or the realities that I surround myself with.

So my pointless blog here doesn’t have a beginning, middle or end, or a chain of events. Rather I’m right now sitting in the auditor’s chair (Autopsy might be more closer to home), analyzing and examining exactly what made me pursue that dogged line of thought, which has since then left me more confused than clear.

All I can say at this point about the topic at hand is that there are choices and choices. I believed, and continue to believe in taking up choices based on my capabilities - even if the journey at hand doesn’t show any clear path or destination. Very rarely have I compelled myself to slug it out because I could see the end destination. It just doesn’t have the same feel as when plowing it out in the unknown, at least to me.

Anyway, there was this thing which I set out to do, and I think I did it, but then after walking the path I’m surprised to find out that it went exactly as I thought it would. So now my mind is conflicted, moving in two different directions, two different realities, and two different identities. Damn, I am confused right now. But I can’t play the other reality card out in the open, not now, not without any preparation, or can I?

Windows 2010 v 5.17

Sometimes a random thought creeps inside my head, only to linger and eventually take control of my entire thought process. This time around the theme was - my birthday. I’ve never felt about a birthday the way I felt this year. Couldn’t shake off the thoughts and feelings – I had random thoughts regarding the choices that I took in the past, the choices that I am taking, and the path that I’m headed in life. The sequence of thoughts was so eerily bizarre that I actually had to get up, close the book that I was attempting to read, pause the music that I thought I was listening, and take a walk around just to clear my head; it was as if the thoughts themselves were trying to tell me something.


Well, I guess what I want to say is that my life is good, in fact so good that if I mix and match my life experiences, it still makes a great story…. :)

Seriously, who am I kidding? Perhaps another day ….